A secret lover’s demands, revealed in court, have shed new light on the agonizing decision prosecutors say Caleb Flynn faced before his wife was killed: choose the woman he was having an affair with—or remain fully present in the lives of his daughters.
Alleigha Botner, 24, testified about the ultimatums she gave Flynn during their relationship. She warned the married father that leaving Ashley could limit how often he saw the couple’s two daughters.
“The only way is having your girls half the time,” Botner wrote in one message presented to the jury.
In another exchange, she told him: “If you want your girls full freakin’ time, you can never have me ever again and you have chosen that so I have to release you and let you go.”
Prosecutors allege Flynn eventually chose Botner over the family he had built with Ashley and their two pre-teen daughters.
Ashley Flynn was found dead months later.
Flynn, 40, is accused of shooting his 37-year-old wife twice in the back of the head as she slept at the couple’s home in Tipp City, Ohio, on February 16.
According to the prosecution, the former American Idol contestant and music pastor then staged the scene to look like a burglary and blamed the killing on an unidentified intruder.
Alleigha Botner, 24, told jurors she repeatedly urged Flynn to leave his wife; prosecutors say he claimed he was prepared to risk his daughters, high-paying career and reputation to be with her
Flynn, 40, has pleaded not guilty to killing his wife Ashley after prosecutors alleged his increasingly intense affair with Botner provided a motive
Flynn has denied the allegations and maintains he was asleep in another room with the couple’s daughters when an intruder entered the house and killed Ashley.
His defense team argues that investigators settled on Flynn too quickly, while intense media attention surrounding the affair has unfairly influenced the case.
Prosecutors, however, have repeatedly highlighted Flynn’s relationship with Botner as they attempt to show a possible motive for Ashley’s death.
The jury heard that Flynn and Botner exchanged more than 100,000 messages over the course of an affair that lasted approximately 18 months.
In a message from September 2025, Flynn reportedly outlined the sacrifices he was willing to make for the relationship—including putting his daughters ahead of everything else.
He wrote that he was prepared to risk losing his “daughters, a quarter-million-dollar salary job, a place to live, possibly a church I serve at, public shame and humiliation, and way more.”
Botner, meanwhile, continued pressing him to end his marriage to Ashley.
“Until she’s gone, I’m gone,” she wrote in one message.
Botner warned Flynn that a future with her could leave him sharing custody of his daughters only half the time, forcing him to confront the consequences of separating from their mother
Caleb Flynn is charged with murder in connection with the fatal shooting of his wife, Ashley, pictured left
But under questioning from Flynn’s defense, Botner insisted the ominous language was about ending the marriage.
‘I always meant divorce,’ she testified.
Such distinction has become critical after jurors were shown a string of far darker conversations between the lovers about Ashley.
Botner broke down in tears as she was forced to read one exchange aloud.
‘Do you know how badly I want to say, “F it” to any rules and any barriers and just love you with my entire heart for the rest of my life,’ she wrote to Flynn in July 2025.
Then came the chilling admission: ‘I want to kill her, Caleb. It’s so bad.’
Flynn replied: ‘That makes two of us.’
‘I just wish I didn’t say this,’ Botner told the courtroom through tears. ‘I didn’t mean it.’
Another exchange showed Flynn allegedly telling Botner: ‘Please hire someone to take douche out. I need you,’ using a derogatory nickname they had given Ashley.
‘So tempting,’ Botner responded.
Flynn allegedly told his mistress in August that he had spent much of the night contemplating how Ashley could be killed without him ending up behind bars.
Flynn has pleaded not guilty to the charges and insists that a home intruder killed his wife while he slept in a room just feet away with the pair’s two pre-teen daughters
‘I was up until 4am last night crying, literally thinking of ways to kill her and not go to jail,’ he wrote.
Botner responded by explicitly telling him not to kill Ashley.
‘I’m not asking that you take her life, obviously, because that’s not what you should do, and I know you actually wouldn’t,’ she wrote.
‘But to make the divorce happen, it would change everything.’
Flynn responded: ‘I’ll work on getting rid of her. Until then, I love you.’
Botner testified she was just 20 when she met Flynn at Christian Life Center in Dayton in 2022, where she was an intern and he was in his mid-30s.
Their relationship became romantic in early 2024, she said.
By the night before Ashley’s death, prosecutors say the secret relationship was reaching a decisive moment.
Botner sent Flynn information she had researched about divorce proceedings, custody, deleting messages and how Ashley could potentially prove her husband’s infidelity.
Shortly before midnight, Flynn sent his mistress one final message.
‘Good night, tomorrow’s a big day. I’ve got to get to bed,’ he wrote. ‘I choose you, I’m about to be free.’
Hours later, Ashley was dead.
Botner testified that the timing immediately alarmed her.
On Thursday, furious members of Ashley’s family stifled their laughs as Flynn’s songs were played for the court
‘Caleb, what’s going on? Were you involved? Is this real?’ she messaged Flynn on the morning of the killing.
She later deleted the message because she feared investigators would examine his phone and discover their affair, she admitted.
When she learned Ashley had supposedly been killed by an intruder, Botner said her ‘heart started pounding.’
‘In my mind, it just seemed like too much of a coincidence that, the day he’s divorcing her, she’s just dead all of a sudden,’ she testified.
On Thursday, the courtroom also heard the love songs Flynn allegedly wrote for his mistress, which were turned into fully produced tracks using artificial intelligence and played for jurors.
Flynn’s ears appeared to turn bright red and he repeatedly wiped his brow as the songs played, while members of Ashley’s family struggled to contain their reactions.
One included the lyrics: ‘So here’s to the third, and the us that we lost.’
Another declared: ‘Know that you still own every piece of my soul.’
Flynn had been seen on American Idol’s 12th season in 2013.
Botner testified that the last time she saw Flynn before the trial was at Ashley’s parents’ home just hours after the killing.
She claimed the first thing he said to her was: ‘It didn’t happen the way we thought it would, did it?’
Botner initially told the FBI she did not believe Flynn had murdered his wife, but later changed her view, describing Ashley’s death as ‘way too much of a coincidence.’
Asked in court how she feels about her former lover now, her answer was far simpler. ‘I hate him.’
Flynn is also charged with tampering with evidence and intimidating a witness and has pleaded not guilty to all charges. The murder weapon has not been recovered.
The trial is set to resume on Friday at 9am ET.
