Start the day by waking up, getting dressed, and reaching for a beverage. But instead of your usual coffee, consider a glass of pomegranate juice.

For the last month, I’ve embraced this routine, beginning each morning with an eight-ounce serving of pure pomegranate juice. It’s an unconventional choice, offering a tart start to the day.

Coffee still has its place later on, as this shift isn’t about replacing caffeine’s energy boost, nor is it part of a fashionable detox regimen.

Rather, the juice serves as a surprising ally in health, potentially reducing the risk of heart disease, according to recent studies.

This benefit is particularly relevant to me on a personal level.

Earlier this year, a routine blood test showed I had slightly elevated cholesterol and triglycerides.

Although I’m just 30, and eat a healthy, balanced diet, it’s not the first time I’ve had a reading like this. 

Heart disease doesn’t run in the family, and the doctor didn’t seem too concerned, simply saying we should keep an eye on it, but of course, it’s still a bit of a worry.  

After learning about recent research tying pomegranate juice to lower cholesterol, Emily, 30, decided to put the theory to the test 

Consistently high amounts of a type of cholesterol called low-density lipoprotein, or LDL for short, contributes to build up in the arteries known as plaques. 

These narrow the vessels and restrict blood flow throughout the body, and increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. 

Triglycerides, fats that circulate in the blood and come from foods like butter and oils, can, in excess, cause similar damage. 

I’m not alone, of course. One in 10 Americans has high cholesterol, and roughly 40 percent of those don’t know about their own risk. 

At just $0.10 per pill, statins are the gold standard in the US for treating high cholesterol, but they’re associated with side effects ranging from muscle pain to liver dysfunction, leaving some people looking for alternatives.

Around the time I got my most recent results, I was already aware of research suggesting pomegranate juice could lower cholesterol and triglycerides. 

This, say experts, could be due to compounds called polyphenols, powerful antioxidants that give the fruit its rich red hue. These compounds neutralize harmful molecules called free radicals, preventing oxidative stress that leads to inflammation. 

‘Pomegranate juice is one of the more interesting foods in the cholesterol conversation because the mechanism is actually well supported,’ Kristen Kuminski, a registered dietitian nutritionist at The Rx Index, told the Daily Mail.

‘The polyphenols, specifically ones known as punicalagins and anthocyanins, reduce oxidative stress on LDL cholesterol.’

Oxidative stress is a bit like rusting – LDL cholesterol can be chemically ‘damaged’ by reactive oxygen molecules in the bloodstream, making it more likely to stick to artery walls and form plaques. 

Kuminski continued: ‘Oxidized LDL is the form that contributes most to plaque buildup in arteries, so reducing that oxidation is genuinely relevant to cardiovascular risk.’

People who have added pomegranate juice to their daily routine have seen staggering results, recent studies show. 

In one 2023 meta–analysis, consuming pomegranates consistently was associated with modest 12 mg/dL drops in triglycerides and 4 mg/dL decreases in total cholesterol, on average.

And in a small study of overweight people with dyslipidemia – a condition that causes high cholesterol – people who drank a cup of pomegranate juice every day for two weeks lowered their LDL cholesterol by 4 to 6 mg/dL.

This is not on a par with statins, which can cut LDL cholesterol by 20 to 60 percent, but is more in line with the modest improvements seen from dietary changes such as increasing fiber intake. 

In light of this, I decided to give pomegranate juice a go, committing to drinking it every morning for a month to see if it could help cut my cholesterol levels down before they could lead to any lasting health issues.

Pomegranate juice is an unlikely silver bullet that could, if recent research is to be believed, slash my risk of heart disease

There were seemingly endless varieties of pomegranate juices on the shelf of my local New York City grocery store, but the key, research shows, is picking a 100 percent juice, as these do not have added sugar on top of natural sugar from the fruit. 

A cup of 100 percent pomegranate juice already contains about 34g of natural sugar, so you don’t need any more. 

‘Many products labeled as pomegranate juice are mostly apple or grape juice with minimal pomegranate content,’ Kuminski added. 

So be careful and read the label.  

The downside, as I discovered, is 100 percent juice can be significantly more expensive. A 48oz bottle cost me about $10 to $13, depending on which store I went to, while fruit juice mixes with added sugar were closer to $5. 

And each bottle lasted me about five to seven days, so I spent at least $40 on juice over the course of a month, but that works out at about $1.30-a-day, which isn’t the end of the world. 

I should probably also mention, while I like pomegranate juice, the intense tart taste gets quite challenging after a few days.

The results, however, are hard to argue with. 

Compared to my results from three months prior to my experiment, my total cholesterol dropped 15 percent, from 208 mg/dL to 177 mg/dL. 

This got me out of ‘borderline high’ territory into a normal range. 

My LDL cholesterol also dropped by 19 percent, decreasing from 128 mg/dL in January to 104 mg/dL after my experiment, from ‘borderline high’ to normal.

Given that, in studies, cholesterol lowering drug ezetimibe manages between 15 and 20 percent reductions in LDL, this is an impressive result. 

HDL, which is considered ‘good cholesterol,’ also stayed the same, while triglycerides, however, increased slightly from 166 mg/DL to 175 mg/dL, a five percent difference. 

It’s unclear what exactly may have caused this uptick, but it’s possible the beta blockers I take for a minor heart condition may have played a role, as well as hormones. 

Importantly, drugs like statins remain a tried and true method for lowering cholesterol. 

According to Yale Medicine, the cheap pills, taken by nearly 50 million Americans, can slash levels by 30 to 50 percent in about four to six weeks, though exact results vary for each person. 

So while diet has been shown to improve cholesterol, for many people, medication is needed as well. 

‘There have been no studies comparing pomegranate juice to statins, so I would not stop taking them or replacing them with all things pomegranate,’ Dr Catherine Perrault, family physician and Chief Medical Officer at The Mesothelioma Center, told the Daily Mail.

‘I do think that patients should try to optimize their health with non pharmaceuticals as well. 

‘If you start incorporating pomegranates daily with your daily regimen of medications, make sure to tell your doctor, so that they can [adjust] your medications accordingly if your labs show some changes.’

For now, my cholesterol levels have been kept at bay. 

Time will tell if I need to eventually consider statins or other medications, but I do think I’ll be picking up the occasional bottle of pomegranate juice at the store more often. 

The remains of a Republican state Senate hopeful from Oklahoma, who went missing earlier this week, have been located inside a truck parked in a secluded area.

Barry Christian, aged 54 and hailing from Sayre, disappeared under mysterious circumstances on Tuesday. His lifeless body was discovered two days later, according to a statement from his campaign, as reported by KOCO.

The Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation informed the outlet that Christian’s gray Ram truck, containing a body, was found near Highway 30.

The recovery operation faced challenges due to the truck’s precarious position near a ravine by the Sandy Sanders Wildlife Management Area, which initially hindered the identification of the body.

Due to the truck’s location by a ravine near the Sandy Sanders Wildlife Management Area, the recovery of the vehicle and body was reportedly delayed, initially stalling identification of the remains. 

Officials are still working to determine Christian’s cause of the death. The OSBI did not immediately respond to Fox News Digital’s request for comment. 

Christian was reported missing on Tuesday after he failed to attend a scheduled meeting, and was last seen driving the same truck found by officials, according to the Harmon County Sheriff’s Office.

The Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation confirmed to the outlet that Barry Christian’s gray Ram truck was discovered near Highway 30 with a body inside. (Greer County Sheriff’s Office)

Christian’s campaign site described the District 38 candidate as the “conservative choice” for Senate, vowing to “proudly stand with President Trump” and “fight for the traditional conservative values that make America great” if elected into office. 

In a statement to the outlet, Christian’s daughter, Brooklyn, expressed her devastation after receiving the news of her father’s death.

The streets and storefronts of Sayre, Oklahoma, appear empty and quiet, reflecting a classic small-town American scene. (iStock)

“Please pray for our family and friends. Our world is upside down right now. We are still not sure of everything that happened, so please act with grace and treat my dad’s legacy with dignity,” Brooklyn reportedly said. 

“We are extremely grateful to everyone who assisted in the search efforts, and all of the media outlets that shared his information. I know there will be lots of people devastated by his passing.”

New York Knicks center Mitchell Robinson has spoken candidly about his mental health following his ejection, alongside Hawks guard Dyson Daniels, during Game 6 of their first-round playoff series on Thursday night.

Robinson took to Facebook after the Knicks’ emphatic 140-89 victory, a win that marked the largest margin in franchise playoff history. “Knew something was gonna happen,” he shared, reflecting on the incident that led to their ejections.

In a moment of vulnerability, Robinson admitted, “My mental just not the same. I’m just lost in the world at the moment,” highlighting his current struggles.

A young woman from California, who gained global attention for her simple yet elegant $500 wedding, tragically passed away on the same day she welcomed her baby boy into the world.

According to the LA Times, 32-year-old Kiara Brokenbrough died on March 30, shortly after giving birth to her son, Jonah.

The family has not disclosed the specific cause of her death, but a relative confirmed to the Times that it was unrelated to childbirth complications.

Her husband, Joel, 34, shared on Facebook that their son was born ‘in a truly miraculous way,’ expressing his mixed emotions following the delivery.

Currently, Jonah is receiving care in a neonatal intensive care unit. Joel has been spending each day at the hospital, dedicating his time to his newborn son while mourning the loss of his beloved wife.

One family member said of Brokenbrough: ‘She was just so pleasant. She had this smile and this poise about herself. 

‘She was confident, but yet she wasn’t arrogant. She always made you feel accepted and wanted.’

Brokenbrough and Joel’s nuptials went viral in 2022 after they pulled off a stylish and elegant wedding for a pittance. 

Kiara Brokenbrough, seen here with her husband Joel, died in late March after giving birth to their son Jonah

It remains unclear at this time how the young mom died, Jonah, seen here, has remained inside an intensive care unit since his birth, a fundraiser said

Brokenbrough looked gorgeous in a simple $47 gown from budget-friendly fashion brand Shein and posted about the bargain buy on TikTok.  

She explained: ‘I didn’t want to spend a lot of money on a dress because I had the mindset I’m gonna wear this one time for a few hours.’ 

The two also went further and had guests pay for their own meals and gift them flowers and a cake for their big day. 

Speaking on Good Morning America, Brokenbrough said: ‘You have a wedding, with witnesses there to witness you, vowing to your spouse, vowing to God that you guys are going to stay together for life.’    

‘Our goal was to just be as minimal as possible and to spend the least amount of money as possible.

‘A lot of people gifted us things, my god-mom gifted us flowers, my sister gifted us a runner, my god-sister gifted us a cake.

‘The guests we had there really understood the assignment, they understood the things we were trying to do and they really supported us.’

The two officially tied the knot in a location just off a freeway. 

Kiara and Joel’s nuptials went viral in 2022 after they managed to make their big day possible with just a $500 budget

Following the wedding, the couple celebrated with their friends and family – but not before snapping a newlywed selfie, seen here

The two officially tied the knot in a location just off a freeway

The goodlooking couple were expecting their son to be born in June of this year, a GoFundMe fundraiser said, and they were moving from West Virginia back to California. 

It added: ‘Unexpectedly, Kiara went to her Heavenly home while Baby Jonah entered his earthly home. 

‘He is in NICU and has begun his long journey to grow stronger and healthier each day.

‘Jonah is a cutie and a fighter and by God’s grace and POWER we know he will astound the doctors with his daily progress.

‘If you can find it in your heart, please support Joel and Baby Jonah as they face a future that no one could have ever imagined. God bless you and thank you in advance.’

In recent days, authorities have rapidly disclosed a wealth of information regarding Cole Allen, who is accused of attempting to assassinate former President Donald Trump. This quick release of details stands in stark contrast to the sparse information available about Thomas Crooks, who attempted a similar act nearly two years ago.

This disparity raises pressing questions about transparency and the gaps in public knowledge concerning Crooks’ attempt on Trump’s life. Experts suggest that the reasons behind this difference might be more straightforward than they appear.

In Allen’s case, investigators swiftly pieced together details about his grievances, communications, and alleged plans. Conversely, the Crooks investigation has left significant questions about his motives and state of mind unanswered, leading to ongoing speculation about the extent of what investigators know and why so much remains undisclosed.

Specialists in the field of assassination attempts and targeted violence often attribute these differences to the availability of evidence.

Law enforcement officials apprehended Cole Tomas Allen following an incident at the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner in Washington, D.C., on April 25, 2026.

Sometimes, they say, one offender simply leaves behind far more information than another.

Allen, a 31-year-old California computer scientist, is accused of opening fire at the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner on Saturday, April 25, after allegedly rushing a Secret Service checkpoint armed with multiple weapons. He now faces federal charges, with more expected.

By contrast, Crooks, who carried out the 2024 assassination attempt against Trump at a rally in Butler, Pennsylvania, was shot and killed at the scene, limiting the scope of the investigation and what information became public.

Thomas Matthew Crooks, a 20-year-old from Bethel Park, Pennsylvania, attempted to assassinate former President Donald Trump during a 2024 campaign rally before being shot and killed by Secret Service agents. (Obtained by Fox News Digital)

“There really just isn’t always an answer. There isn’t always a clear motive,” Nicole Parker, former FBI special agent, Fox News contributor and author of “The Two FBIs,” told Fox News Digital.

Parker said in some cases, investigators are left with very little to work from, especially when a suspect has few connections or leaves behind a limited digital footprint.

“I don’t believe the FBI is hiding anything,” Parker said. “There’s probably just not as much evidence in that case to point investigators in a clear direction.”

A photo of Cole Allen in a graduation gown and cap from 2025. (Cole Allen/LinkedIn)

At the same time, Parker said more information is emerging quickly in the Allen case in part due to a broader push for transparency.

“The Trump administration is focused on getting facts out quickly to avoid conspiracy theories,” she said, noting officials are releasing information “to the extent possible without compromising the investigation.”

“Every case is different,” the FBI said in a statement to Fox News Digital. “When a prosecution is pending, the FBI works closely with prosecutors on what can be released without interfering with the trial process. The FBI and the Department of Justice, along with our local partners, have had multiple press briefings since Saturday’s shooting. Because this is an ongoing investigation as well as ongoing legal process, the FBI cannot comment further at this time.”

Forensic psychiatrist Park Dietz, an expert on criminal behavior, said the difference between the two cases often starts with the suspect.

WATCH: Dana Perino: People who know better are doing this for clicks

Dietz, president of Park Dietz & Associates and founder of the Threat Assessment Group, has worked on some of the nation’s most high-profile criminal cases, including those involving Reagan shooter John Hinckley Jr., serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer and the Unabomber.

In Allen’s case, Dietz said, the suspect appears to have left investigators with far more to analyze.

“Allen left a bigger trail,” Dietz said. “He had contact with more people. He wrote a lot online. And he, of course, sent this missive at the last moment explaining his actions.”

A Secret Service agent fires at Cole Allen, suspected in the assassination attempt of President Donald Trump at the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner on Saturday, April 25, 2026. (Obtained by The Washington Post)

Dietz said that kind of trail, communications, writings and personal contacts can accelerate how quickly investigators and the public understand a suspect’s mindset.

“Some of this is determined by the offender,” Dietz said. “How public are they going to be about their motives and nature of their grievances?”

Dietz said early indicators point to a familiar pattern seen in these types of cases.

WATCH: New video shows WHCA alleged shooter walking through hallways, charging security checkpoint

“It’s very clear that this is primarily a grievance,” he said. “The fact that he wrote to his family, justifying his actions and explaining why he was taking them indicates that he’s aware that this is going to become public information, that it will be a historical document.”

“So there is a fame-seeking portion of this,” Dietz added. “But grievance is the primary motivation.”

Reid Meloy, a forensic psychologist and former consultant to the FBI Behavioral Analysis Unit, said the Crooks case differs in one key way — it never moved toward prosecution.

Former President Donald Trump pumps his fist with blood on his face while Secret Service agents rush him from the stage at a campaign rally in Butler, Pa., on July 13, 2024. (Evan Vucci/AP)

“Crooks obviously was killed by the Secret Service,” Meloy said. “So there is not going to be an active prosecution of an individual.”

That distinction, Meloy said, affects how much information is gathered and ultimately made public.

“With the Allen case, this will be headed for an active prosecution,” Meloy said. “And therefore the data gathering will typically be much more comprehensive and much more meticulous in order to gather evidence for the prosecution of the case.”

WATCH: Secret Service director confirms agent shot by suspected gunman at WHCA Dinner

“That’s probably the major reason you see differences in how much information and when it is presented to the press and the public,” Meloy added.

“That typically does not occur when there has either been the death of the perpetrator,” he said, noting those cases are generally limited to after-action analysis rather than full trial preparation.

Meloy said another key factor is how much information a suspect leaves behind.

“People need to appreciate that individuals who carry out these acts will vary greatly in how much data they’re going to leave behind,” he said.

Meloy added that some suspects leave extensive online activity and communications that can be analyzed, while others leave very little.

WATCH: DOJ releases new video of alleged WHCA dinner shooter in halls, storming checkpoint

“In other cases, there may be a very, very low amount of presented material online,” Meloy said. “Some of them will be very, very careful and engage in what we call operational security where they don’t want information to be left behind,” he said, noting that can leave investigators with little to reconstruct after the fact.

Even when warning signs exist, they are often missed.

“In 60 to 90 percent of the time, they will engage in what we call leakage,” Meloy said, referring to when individuals communicate their intent before an attack. “Sadly, that communication oftentimes doesn’t emerge until after the attack has occurred.”

On-set Tension Between Icons!

In a candid reflection, Meryl Streep shared that she had a “beef” with fellow actress Goldie Hawn during the filming of “Death Becomes Her.”

During an interview with Vanity Fair, Streep revisited her storied career and touched upon her experiences while working on the 1992 classic. It was then that she recounted a particular grievance she had with Hawn.

“Goldie was always late to set,” Streep noted with a hint of humor.

Despite the delay, Streep couldn’t help but find Hawn’s charm irresistible. “She was so adorable. I’m always punctual, which can be annoying. But Goldie? She’d arrive late in her red convertible, driving herself. That was likely the root of the issue,” she recalled with a smile.

She continued, “She’d drive herself to set. She had her hair all…’Oh gosh, sorry!’ And everybody thought, ‘Oh, she’s so cute.’ Yeah. So I had a beef with her.”

However, the “Devil Wears Prada” star remembered not everything was bad as she said, “When we get to the scene and we just do the scene all silly and fabulous, me with Goldie, we just laughed.

“We just had a lot of fun. And she’s the best laugher in America, really. She laughs like, ‘Ahahaha!’ And then they have to stop shooting. But that part was fun.”

She also clarified that there is no actual beef between them, gushing that Hawn is “one of her buddies.”

“Over the years, we’ve had some laughs about that movie because people love it. I thought it was like a documentary on Beverly Hills,” she added after talking about how much she “loves” the “Overboard” actress.

“Death Becomes Her” follows a violent feud between actress Madeline (Streep) and her former friend Helen (Hawn) as they fight over a plastic surgeon (Bruce Willis).

Talking about their other co-star Bruce Willis, Streep said, “Oh, Bruce was divine.

“I guess he was a bad boy on certain sets, and came with a little reputation for being difficult, but we had so much fun with him. He was such a gent, and so game, and willing to be ridiculous. I just thought he was wonderful,” she added of Willis, who suffers from frontotemporal dementia.

At the time of its release, “Death Becomes Her” was a box-office success, opening at No. 1 with over $12 million.

The movie went on to earn over $58.4 million domestically and $90.6 million internationally.

Since then, “Death Becomes Her” has become a cult classic, and in 2024, it became a Broadway musical comedy.

The image of that particular day will forever be etched into my memory, playing back like a film reel during life’s final moments. It was the afternoon of Christmas Eve 2020, deep in the heart of the lockdown.

Seated at the desk in my attic, I closed the door behind me, pretending to wrap gifts. Meanwhile, downstairs, my three-year-old was joyfully playing with her dad—my husband—and my sister.

With my eyes shut and the pounding of my pulse resonating in my ears, I silently chanted a desperate plea: “Please don’t be pregnant, please don’t be pregnant,” as my phone counted down the seconds.

When the moment of truth arrived, I opened my eyes to see two undeniable, bold blue lines on the test. My stomach turned. The shock and dread of a future that had, moments before, seemed so clear now crumbled before me.

Just four days earlier, after enduring years of solitude, sadness, and a mix of emotions wrapped in denial, fear, and guilt, I did something I never imagined I could. Following months of arduous couples therapy, I mustered the courage to tell my husband that we needed to part ways.

He didn’t want to. But, reluctantly, he’d agreed. We’d get through Christmas, then we’d find a place for him to rent and begin telling our families.

And now I was pregnant. With his baby, to be clear – but absolutely not a planned one.

I hid the test, ran down the stairs and out of the house and called my best friend.

When I open my eyes there are two definitive, unapologetic blue lines on the stick. My stomach drops, writes Philippa Found 

‘What am I going to do now?’ I asked, as if she, or anyone, could answer that question.

My husband and I met when I was 23, a week after I graduated from university. He was my much older (and at the time married) boss, the owner of the gallery I had started working at.

Charming, charismatic and successful, he knew what he wanted and how to get it – and he’d wanted me. It was intoxicating.

We had a great time together. We had a shared love of art and travelled the world for work. I loved being with him.

By the time I was 25, and he 52, he was divorced and six years later we were married. My friends and family loved him and thought we were a great match.

In 2017 our daughter was born – my first child, his fourth. Once she arrived, however, the differences between us that I’d long feared could play out badly were no longer just a hypothetical worry but a reality.

He was from a different generation, raised in a military family and boarding school-educated from the age of seven. He had high expectations and was easily irritated. My family, by contrast, were more laid-back: financially chaotic but incredibly close.

Our parenting styles were also diametrically opposed. Then there was the imbalance in our careers and financial positions.

By the time I was 25, and he 52, he was divorced and six years later we were married. My friends and family loved him and thought we were a great match

By this point he earned everything. We’d wound down the gallery a few years earlier so he could focus on his other business, an art conservations studio, and I had begun to launch a career as a writer. But that did not pay me yet.

We were always both very ambitious, but in having a child our lives diverged and our roles divided: his to work, mine to the baby.

Money-wise it made sense; it wasn’t my career that paid for our beautiful, four-bedroom house in north London, that fed or clothed us. But I felt worthless, a total financial drain.

He worked long hours, while I was by myself with the baby. Night feeds were all down to me; he had to get up and go to work in the morning. After all he was earning, not me.

I felt like I was disappearing and so alone. I wanted a partner to be a team with, to see the funny side when we were facing a baby projectile vomiting over the duvet at 2am.

I tried to bring him into my world, to make him understand my experience of our new life. I tried talking, writing him letters, sending him articles that resonated and suggested that we listen to podcasts together.

But nothing landed, nothing changed. His life remained the same – and mine was unrecognisable.

As lost as I felt, there’s nothing like motherhood to motivate you. I remember one day, when she was about a year old, tidying the bathroom floor and the thought struck me: would I want this relationship for my daughter? If she ever felt this way, what would I want to have shown her she could do?

Yet I couldn’t see how I could rip our life apart and be a single mother, now that my career was non-existent. I gaslit myself into believing it would be better to stay, to keep going.

Instead, I started therapy. Six months later I began taking antidepressants for anxiety, and what I suspect was postnatal depression. But the doubts didn’t lift.

Then, when my daughter was due to start nursery aged two and a half, I started a one-year post-graduate course in Fine Art at Chelsea College of Arts.

I felt alive and full of purpose again. I could finally see who I was, the potential for my career, how I had value outside of motherhood.

And I felt stronger, like perhaps there was another way forward. Maybe.

As soon as the course ended in summer 2020, I returned to therapy and within a few weeks the counsellor suggested couples therapy.

My husband was happy to try. I think he thought it was to help me, and we would merely find out how to improve our marriage.

Our first session was at 6pm on Friday, October 30, via Zoom. Socially distanced, the three of us spoke into laptop screens, the therapist in his room, me at my desk at home, my husband in his office.

Within the first half an hour, the one thing I was terrified of accidentally revealing came pouring out. In floods of tears, I said I didn’t know if I wanted to be in the relationship any more.

My husband was blindsided – I could see the shock in his face. It was like a car crash happening in front of you, except you’re driving the car.

Then we logged off and he had to come home.

Each Friday night we did the same dance. We logged on, terrified it might be the session that ended us. Afterwards we’d close our laptop screens, and he’d open a bottle of champagne as if to celebrate that the session hadn’t completed destroyed us, as if everything was still fine.

But I couldn’t keep denying my feelings.

It was about six sessions in, during the final one before Christmas, that I said I wanted a trial separation. My husband had always said he didn’t believe in trial separations; you’re either in or you’re out.

But the pendulum had swung and I could see the way out.

And now, just four days later, I was facing the one thing that would send me back to square one. Or maybe minus square one. I was pregnant again.

Instantly I knew I couldn’t go through a pregnancy and newborn stage alone with a small child. I admire people who feel able to, but I couldn’t single-handedly face the postnatal depression, the stopping of my career, the re-launching of my career. It had taken so much with only one child, how would I do it with two?

If we had the baby, the trial separation couldn’t happen. But then what? How would we stay together? Could I knowingly bring a child into this precarious situation, one where their parents had planned to separate?

But, scariest of all, if I had the baby and nothing got better between us, could I find the courage to begin the process of separating again?

On the other hand, could I go through with an abortion? If I didn’t have this baby, my daughter would likely never have a sibling – this was her baby too.

I am the eldest of three and my siblings are my best friends and biggest support. I wanted her to have that.

And I was 38. One of my best friends was adopting a child as a single mother, the other was entering her fifth unsuccessful round of IVF. And here I was, one ‘make-it-not-be-true-our-marriage-is-over’ night later, considering an abortion.

‘I think whatever you do is fine,’ my best friend said over the phone, as my husband sat unknowingly inside the house, ‘but you have to tell him.’

My biggest fear was that his certainty about having this baby would be so strong that I would be pulled along with whatever he wanted. I knew I had to work out what I wanted first.

So for three days I held the secret and I journalled. Every thought, every fear, every permutation. And once I’d written enough down to have a sense of what I felt – not a decision, but an awareness of my fears, the complexity of my conflicting emotions and the words with which to articulate them – I suggested that he and I go for a walk.

His face was a sunbeam when I told him; he was delighted, as I knew he would be. Then I read him everything I had written down. ‘I’ll support whatever you decide,’ he said afterwards. I was relieved, but no clearer on what to do.

I called my mum. ‘You have to forget everything else and just decide first whether you want a baby or not,’ she told me. ‘Everything else, you can work out after that.’

Put like that, it was more manageable. To my surprise, I realised I did want the baby. I never would have engineered this situation but, against the odds, here was a sibling for our daughter and a chance to do things differently. Maybe that would be enough to repair us.

At 39 weeks pregnant, Philippa launched an exhibition of the stories as art works on shop fronts across high streets in London. The project led to TV and radio appearances

Once the decision was made, I was excited about the pregnancy. Carefully, I reiterated to my husband that this was not a guarantee we would stay together for ever. It was a baby and we’ll see. A chance to do things differently.

Some things did feel different. For one, my career was taking off. Months earlier, in the spring of 2020, I had launched a project, Lockdown Love Stories, gathering people’s anonymous confessions of how the pandemic had affected their love lives. Every day, I would go out and chalk www.lockdownlovestories.com throughout parks across London so people could submit their story to my website.

I received 1,500 submissions, which I shared on social media. I was learning about the complexities of love not just through my own relationship but through those of strangers.

At 39 weeks pregnant, I launched an exhibition of the stories as art works on shop fronts across high streets in London. The project led to TV and radio appearances. I was even working on a pitch for a book.

I immersed myself in my work because I loved it – and because I knew I had limited time before the baby came and I would have to switch focus. But it also fulfilled a need for connection that I couldn’t find at home.

Because, while we were technically still together, the relationship was badly damaged. The hurt and shock my husband had felt when I asked for a separation had now morphed into anger and coldness.

Two days after launching that multi-site exhibition in August 2021, I gave birth at home, early; so quickly not even the midwives arrived in time. It was a boy.

He was perfection, and we were both better parents this time around. But our relationship remained the same.

You can’t unsay the things you’ve said, nor can you forget your wife wanted to leave. The atmosphere between us was toxic, and we were fighting every day.

But as I had feared, it was hard – as hard as the first time – to initiate the conversation to restart couples therapy, to stop avoiding the thing that needed confronting.

A year before, I’d figuratively doused us in petrol and set us on fire. We’d thrown a blanket over the fire – and now I had to set us on fire again, knowing what it felt like the first time.

It took another couple of months to get back in that therapy room in spring 2022, this time face-to-face at the therapist’s practice. When they asked us how we were, my husband said he thought we were going to be fine. I thought I was going insane. How could this ever be fine?

A couple of sessions in, I said the words again: ‘We have to separate.’

What followed were small steps and periods of standing still. We were trying to be gentle – after all we had a five-year-old and a ten‑month-old – to be kind, not to push, but somehow keep going.

We sought professional advice on the best way to tell our daughter and make it as painless for her as possible.

For four months we still lived together while we looked for a place nearby for him to rent, then waited another month for the existing tenants to leave. A few days before he was due to move out, we told our daughter that Mummy and Daddy were going to live in two houses from now on.

‘For real?’ she said and burst into tears. Yet, just as quickly, she switched onto the practicalities of where the car would be kept for the school run.

The day he moved out, even though I’d wanted this for so long, I felt intense grief. I walked round the supermarket in circles. I picked up a pot of hummus and realised he was the only one who ever ate it, and now I didn’t have to buy it any more.

But I knew I had to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I couldn’t turn back just because it was difficult. I put the hummus down and left the supermarket. Afterwards, I felt calmer, more myself.

Although we’re not quite through to the other side – the divorce is yet to be finalised – we settled into a routine as a family. He came round daily to see the children. I woke up on my 40th birthday, almost two years to the day after asking to separate the first time, without my husband but with our two children beside me.

It had been a circuitous route, but I had arrived at the same place – and now with the addition of the most loved little boy.

Since then, I’ve restarted my career for the second time. It’s Complicated, my book of anonymous lockdown love stories, was published earlier this year.

I hope I’ve shown other women what is possible, whatever love, work and motherhood throws at you. That I’ve shown my daughter what she can do if she ever needs to.

This time, I didn’t even need to get pregnant to do it.

It’s Complicated: Confessions Of Messy Modern Love, by Philippa Found (Pavilion Books, £12.99), is out now. Find out more at its‑complicated.com