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DEAR ABBY: I have a lingering suspicion that my wife may have been involved in an affair several years ago. Back then, she would often spend weekends at a local bar with a particular man. When I recently confronted her about the circulating rumors, she insisted she had done nothing wrong. However, during a conversation in our bedroom, she became very emotional, crying as she described the man as kind and gentle, yet she claims he was just a casual acquaintance.
I am willing to forgive if I can uncover the truth. Unfortunately, the man has since passed away. I would appreciate any advice. — TO BELIEVE OR NOT TO BELIEVE
DEAR ‘BELIEVE’: The man your wife remembers as kind and gentle, who is no longer alive and was perhaps a compassionate listener, poses no threat to your marriage now. My suggestion is to stop dwelling on the past in search of grievances and focus on the present. Pursuing this line of inquiry will likely lead to no positive outcome.
DEAR ABBY: After a yearlong illness, my wife passed away. We were married for 51 years and six months to the exact day. I am navigating the myriad emotions that come with losing a spouse, and I understand that time will ease the pain, so I am not seeking advice.
My wife was the family photographer, leaving us with countless pictures, yet there are very few of her, especially from recent years. I want to remind the younger generations: ensure you take photos of your parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Don’t put it off for later because tomorrow might be too late. — GET THE PICTURE
DEAR GET THE PICTURE: I’m sorry for your loss, and for all the memories you wish had been preserved in photos. In the modern age, when most adults have smartphones with cameras, we need to remember to use them. Don’t let one family member bear this responsibility alone. You’ll want to cherish pictures of that person someday as well.
DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years. In that time, he has never once shown outward affection toward me. If I get hurt he says, “Well, why did you do that?” He says he loves me. I just don’t feel loved at all. It has now been six months with no sex.
I recently met someone who asks me how my day was, did I eat, how I’m feeling and so on. It feels good to hear these things. My question is, if I’m being open and honest with this person, am I emotionally cheating? — MISSING SOMETHING IN MICHIGAN
DEAR MISSING: A man who shows no outward signs of affection for a decade, who shows no concern or sympathy if you are hurt and who has no physical relationship with you for half a year not only does not “love” you, but whether he even likes you is debatable. It is not cheating to respond to someone who gives you the things you are starved for. If this relationship goes farther than friendship, then it’s time to break up with your boyfriend.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.