DEAR ABBY: Over the years, I’ve stayed in touch with a circle of friends from my youth. Sadly, many have passed away, leaving just three of us who remain particularly close. One of these friends, “Marie,” has become increasingly difficult to deal with. When I brought this up with her, she simply shrugged it off, saying, “Love me anyway!” While our affection for her hasn’t waned, we find ourselves spending less time in her company.
Marie, who is divorced and childless, often struggles to maintain her home on a limited income. I had once considered offering her a place in our home to prevent her from feeling isolated. However, during a recent visit when my grandchildren were present, Marie seemed visibly tense, her nerves clearly frayed. This prompted my daughter to take the kids out for a walk, later asking me what might be troubling “Auntie.”
So, Abby, I turn to you for insight. What could be affecting Marie? Our other remaining friend shared that after a recent incident (which I missed), they were adamant about not having their grandchild around her again. –– RETHINKING IN OREGON
DEAR RETHINKING: You’ve noticed Marie becoming more irritable over time. Given the depth of your friendship, it’s worth exploring the root of her changing demeanor. Her irritability might be a reflection of dissatisfaction with her life choices or circumstances. It’s possible she doesn’t enjoy being around young children, a sentiment not uncommon among some people, though they might mask it better than others.
Unless you can offer Marie a private space away from the children when needed, it might be wise to reconsider inviting her into your home. You could also explore more suitable living arrangements that don’t involve children, which might be more comfortable for her and financially feasible.
DEAR ABBY: I am getting divorced and not happy about it. My wife and I have been married eight years, together for nine, and we have three children. I’m the first to admit that I made a lot of mistakes in business and with finances that caused her to no longer trust me.
I thought we were working on things, and we had agreed to move to start over. Well, she moved before me. She met other men she liked more than me, and, when I arrived, she told me, “Sorry, there’s the door.” I am devastated and angry. I think she sympathizes with my pain, but I can’t get her to talk about it. How do I let go of my anger and move on with my life? –– CAN’T LET GO
DEAR CAN’T: From what you have written, your wife appears to be as angry with you as you are with her. If she wants to end the marriage, you can’t stop her. That’s why it is important you consult an attorney about how to proceed. (Are you employed? Is she?) Someone is going to have to support those children until you are financially stable.
You may need the help of a mental health professional in order to let go of your anger and get on with your life. And whether that should be first or second on your list of priorities, I can’t answer for you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.