Share and Follow
DEAR ABBY: Fifteen months ago, my boyfriend passed away, leaving me utterly heartbroken. Losing him, who was not just my partner but my best friend, has left a void that feels impossible to fill. He promised his love would endure beyond life, and with his passing, a significant part of my heart went with him. I am keenly aware that I’m struggling with depression. How do you find the strength to move forward when your closest companion is gone? — HURTING HEART IN GEORGIA
DEAR HURTING HEART: I extend my condolences for your profound loss. The journey to healing is not a swift one; it unfolds gradually, marked by a series of advances and setbacks until the ache becomes more bearable. Your bond with your boyfriend will remain a cherished memory, a presence you can revisit whenever you need. In time, you will find the ability to move forward, and perhaps even open your heart to love once more, should you desire. If you haven’t yet sought grief counseling, I urge you to consider joining a support group or seeking individual therapy. Both can provide invaluable guidance during this difficult time.
** ** **
DEAR ABBY: My 40-year-old daughter, “Aline,” has been living a tumultuous life filled with one crisis after another since she was young. Her demeanor swings from being kind and generous to suddenly becoming vindictive and harsh. She is easily provoked into tirades, often using the most hurtful language she can muster. Her romantic life is equally unstable, with men frequently entering and exiting her life. — CONCERNED PARENT
DEAR ABBY: My daughter, “Aline,” 40, has gone from crisis to crisis since childhood. She can go from kind and generous one minute to vindictive and mean the next. She’s easily triggered into rants, hurling the most hurtful words she can come up with. Men move in and out of her life on a regular basis.
I’m sure Aline would qualify as mentally ill, but she insists she’s too smart to go to therapy — she knows more than they do. I have become exhausted dealing with her. She believes everything is my fault. I’d walk away if I could.
Aline has three children, 11, 17, and 25. She treats them like possessions and makes grand promises one day and reverses herself the next day, declaring them “unworthy.” The eldest moved out at 18 and has never looked back. He has had a difficult time due to the emotional damage his mother inflicted on him, but now he’s in a stable situation thanks to support from me and his uncle.
My concern at this point is with the younger two. All I can offer them is emotional support, but they are suffering. Because the abuse is not physical, there seems to be little else I can do. Any suggestions on how to help me, and them, deal with this? — GRANDMA PROTECTOR
DEAR PROTECTOR: Your daughter’s middle child will be 18 in less than a year. Could that grandchild live with you or their adult sibling until they figure out what they want to do about the rest of their education or future employment?
As for the youngest, is their father in the picture? I agree their current living situation isn’t emotionally healthy, but the question is how involved he is willing to be. Depending on how disturbed your daughter is, custody of the 11-year-old may be transferable. A discussion with a family law lawyer may help you resolve this.
** ** **
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.