How to Mend Family Ties: Resolving Spousal Conflicts with In-Laws

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I, a same-sex couple, have never seen eye to eye with my sister and her spouse. Over the 17 years we’ve known each other, the friction between them has only intensified. I suspect my sister might harbor feelings of rivalry or envy towards our relationship. She often appears self-centered, while her husband remains aloof and withdrawn.

We meet them annually for a few days, but my husband now chooses to avoid these encounters altogether, even preferring to stay at a hotel during part of their visit. I find myself caught in a dilemma: I empathize with my husband’s feelings of being slighted, yet it pains me that my sole close family isn’t genuinely welcome in our residence. What should I do? — AWKWARD SIS-UATION

DEAR SIS-UATION: If your sister and her husband fail to extend genuine warmth to your husband, it’s understandable why he might not feel inclined to greet them cheerfully. Since you’re already covering the cost of a hotel, why not accommodate them there and arrange to meet them outside your home for meals or other activities? By letting your husband limit his interactions with them without retreating from his own space, the discomfort might lessen.

DEAR ABBY: As a 36-year-old divorced man, I’ve been cohabitating with my girlfriend for a year. She is far more accomplished and worldly than I am, which she frequently points out during disagreements. How should I handle this situation? — FEELING INFERIOR IN TEXAS

DEAR INFERIOR: Your girlfriend’s behavior fits the description of an intellectual bully. While she may excel in sophistication, her interpersonal skills leave much to be desired. Her inability to engage in fair disputes could ultimately push you away. Communicate this to her—it might lead to a change.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 32-year-old single gay man. I’m no longer looking for a relationship. I feel increasingly comfortable in my own skin while keeping a healthy distance from 95% of people. I have become like this during the past three to five years because I have my own drama to deal with and can’t handle anyone else’s drama on top of it. 

It’s not that I don’t like people, I have just reached the point where I’m increasingly less trusting of people, in general, including my employers at the company for which I drive a truck long distance. Just wanted to know what your thoughts are on this. — ALONE IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ALONE: At age 32, you are still a young man with a long life ahead of you. I’m sorry you didn’t mention what has happened to you that has made you less and less trusting of others — it would have been helpful, because relationships are important. My thought on this is: You need to make an appointment at the nearest LGBTQ community center and talk to a therapist about this. And, if necessary, consider looking for another company to drive for — or even a career change — because it isn’t healthy to have to look over your shoulder 24/7.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.