Amanda Holden has paid an emotional tribute to her late son, Theo, who was stillborn. The Britain’s Got Talent judge shared a video on her Instagram Story during Baby Loss Awareness Week, tagging baby-loss charity Tommy’s. The clip showed a candle inscribed with the words “wave of light”, its flame burning in memory of Theo, whom Amanda gave birth to 15 years ago. Alongside it, the 55-year-old wrote: “Thinking of our beautiful son Theo and sending love to you all #waveoflight #tommys #babylossawarenessweek.”
Speaking on her travel series Amanda and Alan’s Greek Job, Holden told co-host Alan Carr that she still considers herself a mother of three. “I always say I am a mother of three. Because I am,” she said. “When we lost Theo, there wasn’t one moment where I thought, ‘Why has this happened to me?’”
She continued: “But there also wasn’t a moment where I blamed God or anything. The way I accepted it was to think that he chose me, just for those few months, to see what it was like to live, and develop, and be in the universe.”
“Then the universe took him back,” Holden said. “Now I don’t think that’s religious, but I let him go back. And that was my belief, rather than he went back to Heaven as such.”
She added: “I felt like he went back into the universe, and he is still out there and is part of our family.”
Theo was stillborn at 28 weeks in February 2011. Amanda and her husband, Chris Hughes, also share two daughters, Lexi, 20, and Hollie, 14.
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During an earlier appearance on her Heart Breakfast show, Holden spoke about her experience alongside baby-loss charity Aching Arms, describing it as “awful”.
“I will never forget when I went through something that I would imagine is very similar to your [experience],” she said.
“We lost our baby Theo at 28 weeks, and they very sensitively moved me into another room so I could deliver him without having to hear the lovely babies screaming on a normal ward.”
Holden recalled how seemingly small details had a lasting impact. “Often that’s not thought about,” she said. “I remember the lady afterwards as well, when we went for a chat, also said, ‘I know you’re going home empty-handed.’”
She said the wording made her feel “like some sort of game show contestant”, adding that Aching Arms helps families avoid insensitive language and supports education on how to respond to baby loss. “It’s just awful,” she said.
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