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DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married to my husband for a decade, and we reside in a home he owned prior to our marriage. He is eager to undertake renovations to boost the property’s value, asserting that the house will be inherited by his four adult children upon his passing.
The dilemma arises as he expects me to finance half of these renovations. Thus far, I’ve completely paid for new windows, doors, blinds, and shared the cost of bathroom remodels. Now, he’s asking me to contribute to the kitchen renovation. I feel compelled to stand my ground, as it seems I’m effectively subsidizing his children’s future inheritance. He accuses me of being selfish and unwilling to cooperate in upgrading “our” home. What are your thoughts? — FAIR OR NOT IN ILLINOIS
DEAR FAIR OR NOT: I believe you are justified in your concerns. Keep meticulous records of all expenditures you have made for these home improvements, and ensure there is a written agreement that you will be reimbursed for these costs after his passing. I recommend consulting a lawyer for further advice.
DEAR ABBY: I find myself in love with a married woman who reciprocates my feelings. We meet for intimate encounters, but she feels bound by responsibility to her husband and fears he might harm himself if she leaves. She insists they aren’t intimate due to his impotence, despite attempted treatments. I am single and content with our arrangement. Is there anything amiss here? — MEETING A NEED IN WISCONSIN
DEAR MEETING: If you weren’t uneasy about this situation, you likely wouldn’t have sought my advice. You cannot be certain of the woman’s claim about her husband’s impotence, and neither can I. While you may see yourself as a hero filling a void, it’s clear that you’re engaging in questionable behavior, and deep down, you recognize it. (Her husband will too, should he discover the affair.)
DEAR ABBY: Six months ago, my mother bought me a dress as a gift. My niece, who I am helping and who is living with me, stole it from me. I let it go and didn’t argue with her because I didn’t want to ruin our relationship. My daughter recently gave me a gift card. The gift card is missing, too, and I’m assuming that my niece took it. What should I do? Should I talk to my brother about it? — STOLEN FROM IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR STOLEN FROM: By all means, talk to your brother about it. And once you have done that, tell your niece she can no longer live with you because you know she took your dress and now a gift card is missing. Tell her you want both returned and to pack her bags because you are rolling up the welcome mat. Your niece has a problem, and you should not be expected to solve it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.