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Dear Abby,
I’ve been friends with someone for a decade, a relationship initially founded on shared interests and mutual connections. Throughout our friendship, they’ve battled with anxiety, depression, and OCD. Additionally, they exhibit narcissistic tendencies, though until recently, it hasn’t been a significant issue.
Many nights and days have been spent on the phone, listening to them pour out their problems. I’ve always tried to be supportive, offering empathy and advice where I could. However, my friend struggles with maintaining a job, frequently quitting for various reasons, and they also grapple with alcohol addiction.
Staying friends is becoming increasingly challenging. Despite my years of support, our conversations revolve solely around them. They never inquire about my life or well-being, a pattern that’s persisted for years.
I feel trapped in this dynamic. I don’t want them to feel abandoned, but I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted from constantly being their source of support. They claim to be in therapy and on medication, but I have to take their word for it.
DEAR SO DONE: Here’s how: First, understand that this person will continue to use you (instead of a psychotherapist) as often as you allow it. Begin rationing the time you spend on the phone and in person with them. If this “friend” asks again if they are scaring you, tell them what you have told me, that your energy is being sapped and you can no longer spend hours on the phone with them. If you do, you will be doing both of you a favor.
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DEAR ABBY: We were invited to an out-of-town wedding along with some of our children. It cost several hundred dollars, including airfare, hotel, food, and gifts. The events started Friday afternoon and lasted until Sunday evening. On the Saturday of that weekend, the bride’s family hosted a dinner and informed several of the wedding invitees that they were on their own for that evening. Was that appropriate? Should we say anything to the groom’s family with whom we are associated? — OFFENDED IN KANSAS
DEAR OFFENDED: The rehearsal dinner is traditionally hosted by the groom’s family, but that’s not what this Saturday dinner sounds like, since the bride’s family hosted it. I would imagine that being told at the last minute to fend for yourselves was both jarring and frustrating, so your feelings are understandable. However, I see nothing positive to be gained at this point by pointing it out to the groom’s family, which might only embarrass them.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.